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archive of the posts that I have written on Text emails I've received
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I don't know if this is accurate or embellished rhetoric, but in any case, I thought it had a good message, so I'm re-posting it here.
When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush.
He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return."
It became very quiet in the room.
**************
Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?"
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?"
Once again, dead silence.
*****************
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop!
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It's time we all quit apologizing to the rest of the world for our greatness, take pride in being an American in the greatest country in the history of civilization.
Then let's roll up our sleeves and go to work on the problems we do have:
immigration, health care, energy, etc.
It won't be easy, but worthwhile things seldom are.
God bless America !!
Who knows how much of this is accurate, but I got it all in an email and thought it worthwhile to post.
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.
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Continue reading "And Now You Know Everything" »
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn
>
> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>
> 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>
> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>
> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>
> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>
> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>
> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
> to present the present.
>
> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
>
> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>
> 10) I did not object to the object.
>
> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>
> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>
> 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>
> 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>
> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>
> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>
> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>
> 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
>
> 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>
> 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
>
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
People, not computers, invented English and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely...
Someone emailed me this today and I thought it appropriate to share here.
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."
John Quincy Adams quotes (American 6th US President (1825-29), eldest son of John Adams, 2nd US president. 1767-1848)
Carrie's laptop recently crashed, and a friend's also recently crashed... so I thought it appropriate to post this little poem here today.
Enjoy!
>>Every single evening
>>As I'm lying here in bed,
>>This tiny little Prayer
>>Keeps running through my head:
>>God bless all my family
>>Wherever they may be,
>>Keep them warm and safe from harm
>>For they're so close to me.
>>And God, there is one more thing
>>I wish that you could do;
>>Hope you don't mind me asking,
>>Please bless my computer too.
>>Now I know that it's unusual
>>To Bless a motherboard,
>>But listen just a second
>>While I explain it to you, Lord.
>>You see, that little metal box
>>Holds more than odds and ends;
>>Inside those small compartments
>>Rest so many of my friends.
>>I know so much about them
>>By the kindness that they give,
>>And this little scrap of metal
>>Takes me in to where they live.
>>By faith is how I know them
>>Much the same as you.
>>We share in what life brings us
>>And from that our friendships grew.
>>Please take an extra minute
>>From your duties up above,
>>To bless those in my address book
>>That's filled with so much love.
>>Wherever else this prayer may reach
>>To each and every friend,
>>Bless each e-mail inbox
>>And each person who hits "send".
>>When you update your Heavenly list
>>On your own Great CD-ROM,
>>Bless everyone who says this prayer
>>Sent up to GOD.com
How smart is Your Right Foot ? ?
Just try this. It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if
you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!
1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY.....) and while
sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot
off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with you right hand.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!!
And there's nothing you can do about it!
You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are
going to try it again, if you've not already done so ! ! !
I got this recently via email, and it just cracked me up, so, of course, I'm posting it here.
Here they are, unequivocally, the WORST domain names EVER!
1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is... www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company... www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there's these art designers, and their wacky website: www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com
Do you have others that I should add to this list? Add them by submitting a comment below!
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has cahones the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Wedding and reception for 300 family members and Friends.........$32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion..........................$3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui......................$8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride with the best man...........................Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.
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